Bonnie Tyler’s classic Total Eclipse of the Heart has, for decades, had scholars tediously searching through its complex symbols and abstract dialogue in order to answer one seemingly interesting question – WTF does it mean? I don’t know much about music but I do know one very important fact; some songs only make sense when you’re sober and some only make sense when you’re so inebriated that you barely remember where you live. I’m guessing plenty of these “scholars” examined this song the old fashioned way so I decided to try it the new fangled way. This is an experiment though so I’m doing it the right way. First I’ll dissect the song sober and then I’ll take the ultimate plunge, drink until I can no longer function in society and then dissect it with the shaky hand of a cocaine addict. Soon the greatest musical mystery of all time will be revealed.
Sober Jay Jay
Well for starters, Bonnie’s being pretty rude here, ignoring someone whose just asking her to turn around. She seems to be more interested in talking about her feelings than in actually confronting her problems, “every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you’re never coming round”. It seems that if she listened to the chap and turned around she’d realise that there’s no issue. Bonnie Tyler = Drama Queen.
Now she’s talking about how she needs him tonight. He’s behind you Bonnie! Turn around woman! Bonnie Tyler = hard of hearing?
It seems like the total eclipse of the heart she’s talking about is all because of her inability to listen. So really, upon basic analysis of this song, the entire deal is about some person who appears to be more interested in complaining about someone else rather than turning around. Moral; Check your surroundings before you start bitching about someone.
Drunk Jay Jay
Okay I have to start off with a brief explanation of what you’re about to read. I’ll admit it, typing while under the influence is difficult and it got the better of even a champ such as myself. Plus a lot of what I was trying to say made no sense whatsoever. I edited out some unreadable gibberish and fixed the spelling. You’re about to witness the thought process of a maniac. Prepare yourself.
Right so she’s talking to some dude and he wants her to turn around but she’s not able cos she’s talking to him and he’s not really listening at all. Now she’s sad cos she’s always alone. What’s his deal anyway? He sings really high. Actually maybe it’s a girl? Is she a lesbian? She sings like an engine or something. OMG I love this bit. Oh wait no that’s a different song. Her hearts like dark or something. Wait aren’t eclipses meant to happen to moons. I’m lost now. Oh wait she just said that there’s love in the dark. Hahaha I know what that means. Oh now it’s over. Yeah I think it means that she’s sad probably.
And there you have it. Total Eclipse of the Heart SOLVED!
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