Total Eclipse of the Heart - Drunk Vs. Sober

Bonnie Tyler’s classic Total Eclipse of the Heart has, for decades, had scholars tediously searching through its complex symbols and abstract dialogue in order to answer one seemingly interesting question – WTF does it mean? I don’t know much about music but I do know one very important fact; some songs only make sense when you’re sober and some only make sense when you’re so inebriated that you barely remember where you live. I’m guessing plenty of these “scholars” examined this song the old fashioned way so I decided to try it the new fangled way. This is an experiment though so I’m doing it the right way. First I’ll dissect the song sober and then I’ll take the ultimate plunge, drink until I can no longer function in society and then dissect it with the shaky hand of a cocaine addict. Soon the greatest musical mystery of all time will be revealed.


Sober Jay Jay

Well for starters, Bonnie’s being pretty rude here, ignoring someone whose just asking her to turn around. She seems to be more interested in talking about her feelings than in actually confronting her problems, “every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you’re never coming round”. It seems that if she listened to the chap and turned around she’d realise that there’s no issue. Bonnie Tyler = Drama Queen.
Now she’s talking about how she needs him tonight. He’s behind you Bonnie! Turn around woman! Bonnie Tyler = hard of hearing?
It seems like the total eclipse of the heart she’s talking about is all because of her inability to listen. So really, upon basic analysis of this song, the entire deal is about some person who appears to be more interested in complaining about someone else rather than turning around. Moral; Check your surroundings before you start bitching about someone.

Drunk Jay Jay
Okay I have to start off with a brief explanation of what you’re about to read. I’ll admit it, typing while under the influence is difficult and it got the better of even a champ such as myself. Plus a lot of what I was trying to say made no sense whatsoever. I edited out some unreadable gibberish and fixed the spelling. You’re about to witness the thought process of a maniac. Prepare yourself.

Right so she’s talking to some dude and he wants her to turn around but she’s not able cos she’s talking to him and he’s not really listening at all. Now she’s sad cos she’s always alone. What’s his deal anyway? He sings really high. Actually maybe it’s a girl? Is she a lesbian? She sings like an engine or something. OMG I love this bit. Oh wait no that’s a different song. Her hearts like dark or something. Wait aren’t eclipses meant to happen to moons. I’m lost now. Oh wait she just said that there’s love in the dark. Hahaha I know what that means. Oh now it’s over. Yeah I think it means that she’s sad probably.

And there you have it. Total Eclipse of the Heart SOLVED!

I love you Florence and the Machine

I just wish you'd play Electric Picnic instead of Oxegen. I still love you though.



B x

All I can say is.... *tear*

We haven't really explored our views of the Hogan family. Mess is the general consensus with Jason and I. So when I saw this picture of Hulk, his daughter and his new girlfriend, I cried a little. Ok, a lot.
Enjoy! Or not...


B x

I love Jean Pierre Jeunet, Audrey Tautou and Chanel...

...so I basically freaked when I saw this piece of loveliness. Enjoy!



B x

The seven things (and extra thing) that you really have to appreciate about Miley Cyrus

Miley Cyrus has taken quite the verbal bashing lately. Now I’m not one to point fingers or name names, but Bridget, just know that my virtual finger is pointed squarely at you. So in order to defend Miley Cyrus, or Hannah Montana as she will be known for the duration of this blog, I have prepared a “counter list” of sorts. And it begins:
1. What people seem to forget about Hannah Montana is that she not only rocks out the show, she also chills out and takes it slow. Just let that sink in for a minute. I think that armed with this knowledge you could surely agree that she has, indeed, got the best of both worlds.
2. I think everyone would find it hard to get over a Jonas Brother. I mean, she probably developed rickets from being inside praying so much. Give it a rest Jonas Brothers. We all know that Jesus is a Hanson fan.
3. And I’d like to see a certain hair obsessed girl turn down any member of the Jonas brothers, even if they were the “ugly” one (And anyway that’s a bit like specifying a crazy member of the Hogan’s).
4. She’s not her brother.
5. Remember that time Hannah started dating the short dude? Haha comedy at its finest.
6. She’s not her dad.
7. I think her wig is pretty fucking nifty.
8. (One more point than Bridget I might add) She encouraged Rosa Parks to stay on the bus.
So in summary, is Hannah Montana the best person ever? I’m going to present you with a quote from a young Indian boy who competed on a televised show to win tickets to her concert. “YOU GOT THAT QUESTION WRONG BITCH”. You hear that Bridget? You got that one wrong.

JJ

The seven things I hate about Miley Cyrus

I don't know why I was watching 7 Things by Miley Cyrus tonight. It's probably cos I'm stupid and avoiding study. I'm going to preface this by saying I have a severe hair obsession and hate celebrities who's hair I want. I'm talking to you Miley Cyrus!
1. Why does she sing about or date Nick Jonas? He's not even the hottest Jonas brother. Also, everyone knows wearing virginity rings is a sign of being stupid.
2. The fact that she has nicer hair than me. I deserve lovely, soft ringlety hair. Instead I have hair that is shaggy and goes triangular shaped in the rain.
3. She's really quite in-your-face. On Jonathan Ross, she literally would not shut up. I wanted to bitchslap my TV. Then she started acting like she was better than Helen Mirren.
4. Hannah Montana is fucking stupid. Just cos Jason watches it does not make it cool. Plus her Hannah Montana wig is vile.
5. The fact that she thinks she'll get into serious acting. Haha.
6. Her performing. My friend in drag, Miley Guyrus, put on a better show than her.
7. Her songs. They are irritating. No fourteen year old should be bopping around singing about how in love they are and their "relationships".

I'm not really trying to be a bitch. Studying is taking it out of me and I needed a rant. In fairness to Miley Cyrus, she wears a super cute dress in the 7 Things video. Sass and Bide I think, but can't be sure.
Here's one to sing about your pre-teen relationships with.


B x